Note: I wrote this over a year ago but it wasn't until Jimmy said tonight, "Where is sad going to get you? If you don't like something, CHANGE IT" that I decided to hit publish. While it isn't the first time I've heard those words, it was the first time I listened. Plus, I'm suddenly in a good mood. So, here you go.
When I was in 4
th grade I tried out for the musical
Annie. I didn't want to be the lead or even a supporting character...all I wanted was the role of Orphan #3.
Even at 10 years-old, I aimed REAL HIGH.
At the audition, I sang, Sing! Sing a song! Sing out loud! Sing out strong! for my solo. I was alone, on stage with a spotlight blinding me and I loved the feeling.
After having to recite the line, "I love you, Miss Hannigan" repeatedly, the other Annie wannabes and I were taught a simple dance. And by simple...I mean EASY. I failed horribly and in the end wasn't chosen for the role of Orphan #3 or #4 or even...# YOU SUCK KID.
After my big bomb during the dance sequence, I begged my mom to let me take dance classes. She agreed. And many years later she decided to sell all my old costumes to a stripper at a neighborhood garage sale. But that isn't the point, now is it?
Did I ever become the best dancer? Hardly...but I was one of three freshman to make my high school's dance team in six years. My name finally made the list and I had a short skirt with pleats. Which is way better than some raggedy dress or a red wig. I went on join a competitive dance team, travel fabulous places with a suitcase full of sparkled Lycra and take classes from Mia Michaels.
But the sting of looking up and down that list taped to the theatre door, searching for my name and realizing it wasn't there has never left me. Even at 28, I still imagine a scene from A Chorus Line and then a stamp slamming down with the words REJECTED in red whenever my name isn't in print.
I know now, that when my mind reverts back to a 10 year-old and I begin to think, Why not me? Why am I not good enough? I'm cute. Upbeat and sometimes positive...it's all very pointless. There's another plan for me...[cue awful Martina McBride song and insert cheesy inspirational quote HERE].
And frankly, let's be real...I already got the prize, that pleated short skirt and knowing in high school, girls like me were probably mean to those list makers and name pickers anyway.
I went to Atlanta to meet my dear friend Ashley J. Webb for the FIRST time. I've been friends with Ashley for about 5 years...but we'd never actually met.
